Changing Directions

Without doubt, I have proven that I completely suck at blogging. When I started this, I thought it would be a great venue for me to offload some of the never-ending chatter between my ears. Instead I opted for the 'make yourself completely insane by never letting anything out' option. I've had some fun with the insane, catch-22 loops I've dragged myself into, but I think it's time to get off the merry-go-round.

In the past few months, I have really re-discovered one of my very earliest passions, which is books. Don't get me wrong, I never gave up reading, but now that my job has become a little more predictable and my daughter has become a lot more self sufficient, I find I am once again able to really enjoy books. Courtesy of social media, I am now able to find more suggestions, more new releases, more reading club suggestions and some truly articulate (and FUNNY) writers. Inspired by all of this literature, I've decided I really want to get back to writing more regularly and what better topics than books I'm reading and loving? Obviously I don't love everything I read (who could really) but I'm very excited about reading new things and challenging myself to blog honestly about it all.

For the half a dozen people who check in here annually to ensure I haven't dropped off the face of the earth, I hope you'll continue to enjoy my writing and will keep coming back. I've got the best of intentions this time around to keep at this. I may need you to kick my butt periodically to keep me on track, so feel free to swing away at will.

Who I am

I am a daughter, a sister, a wife (and ex-wife), a mother, a cousin, a colleague, a friend and many other titles I can't even begin to remember now. Some days it's hard to remember just who I am at any given moment.

They say having kids changes you. I think that's the understatement of the millenium. I can go for days on 4 hours of sleep, meals that are never hot (and rarely warm) and caffeine. I learned to put someone else's needs before my own and to put some of my dreams on hold while nurtured this little life into someone more self sustaining.

I always swore that even after I had the kid that I wouldn't become one of those people who can only talk about parenting and kids. What I didn't realize was just how all encompassing being a parent would be.

Oh sure, I still like to try and stay on top of current events and relish the idea of spending hours over dessert and drinks discussing politics and global warming and the latest celebrity gossip. Something changed along the way though - everything I used to believe and used to enjoy has now been coloured by becoming a parent. Without even realizing it, I've changed - evolved even. Whether I like it or not, I now have more in common with other parents than I do with my old life. It's not a bad thing, but it certainly is different than what I thought it would be.

My newest and most important title is Mom. It's been a complete surprise from the day I found out we were going from 2 to 3, but it's the best title I never knew I wanted.

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I have been an exceptionally average girl this year. I didn't cure cancer or win the Nobel Peace prize. I didn't end world hunger or stop global warming or even keep my house particularly clean.

I didn't kill any of my co-workers or customers (not even the snarky ones who really needed a good smack to the head), didn't choke the life out of my husband when he was being a total git and even refrained from locking our daughter in her room for 365 days straight in the hopes of not butting heads with her.

What I did do was get up and go to work every day, raise a now 5 year old girl (no easy feat, let me tell you) and tried my darndest to be the best me I could be.

So this year Santa, I'm not going to ask for much - after all, I didn't really earn it (see opening paragraph). What I could really use is:

1. Patience. Lots and lots of patience. If you could double what I have now, I'd still be deficient, but perhaps a little less likely to lose my cool over things like missing mittens and socks and food on my living room floor for the cat to clean up. Last year I asked for patience or an untraceable hand gun. I think I'm improving, don't you?

2. World Peace. I know this is one a number of people have asked for over the years and I think it's time we re-visit it, don't you? How much nicer would it be if we didn't have to think about all our brothers and sisters who are serving and protecting at great personal risk? How much better would it be if we could pick up a newspaper and read about how people are helping each other, instead of shooting or starving.

3. Time. I know this one might be a little outside the realm of possibility (especially compared to the first 2) but I'm still a little hopeful. I don't have enough time every day to work and clean house and learn to be a gourmet cook and be a perfect parent and partner and keep up with Grey's Anatomy. I figure a couple more hours each day will go a LONG way to shortening that list of to-do's.

4. Love. I have lots of this in my house, but I think we need to get more of it out there for others to enjoy. Plus, with the loss this year of a few family members, it means that we all have to love a bit more and without those extra hours in the day, I'm not really sure when I'll fit all that in (hint, hint)

So that's it Santa, just a couple of things I'd like to see a little more of this year. I'll be sure to leave some store-bought cookies and pre-cut carrots out for you and the reindeer - just like always.

I'll save my wishes for my pre-baby body and bank account increases for the Easter Bunny - I hear he's not nearly as busy as you are.....

Love,
Shelley

Where does the time go?

It's officially official. The not-so-little little one has now been enrolled for school starting in September. How can that be? After all, I'm absolutely not one iota older than I was when I had her, so how can she be starting school already? Where does the time go?

Wasn't it just yesterday that she came home, all 5 lbs 6 oz of her, skin and bones and looking like a little bird every time she opened her mouth? Didn't we just purchase this house with the idea that she would one day need a backyard to run around in? When did 'one day' become today?

Like every other transition, I'm sure she'll deal with it better than her father or I will. She will wander in, stand off to the side and just watch for 5 minutes to get the lay of the land and then she'll be off - checking out the other kids, investigating the cool toys and art supplies we don't have at home, with nary a glance back.

She's a magnificent creature, this girl of ours. She's a walking, talking, bonefide miracle, reminding me every day to slow down and check things out, to find joy in little things and to not take everything so seriously. I honestly can't remember life without her (well, except for the ability to sleep late on weekends and walk around without stepping one of a million toys, but I'm digressing here) She has been a complete and total blessing.

I hope the teachers at her new school know what they're getting into when she arrives. More importantly, I hope they recognize just how amazing we already know she is. I wish them luck and bottomless patience for the never ending 'but why does it do that' questions. Perhaps as a welcome to school gift I should get them an encyclopedia set.......or ear plugs.

Catching up

And here we are, a year later and no updates.

There are a million reasons I could use for this: blogging was never my full time thing, don't have lots of readers who clamour for my every thought, work takes up too much time - you name it, I've probably used it as an excuse to not write, to not stay in touch, to try and shake off any semblance of responsibility I might have felt towards posting with any regularity.

Truth is, this generally a great way for me to get things off my chest. Things that ping around in the cavernous space called my brain and need to be set down to paper in order to make room for other things.

Lately, I've been thinking about family and frieds. How my social and familial groups seem to expand and contract like water in winter.

There's the immediate family, who are always good for a bit of stress and a bit of friendly bitching. There are the extended family, who always bring in a different viewpoint and some lovely drama to boot.

There's the work family, both current and previous, and then there's the friends who've become family. Lately, these have been some of the most important facets.

I've had the incredible pleasure of meeting some of the most wonderful people in the universe during my travels. Not all of them are with us any more and that's a damned shame. Having others around who remember those who are gone is remarkably theraputic. Memories really are best when shared and the sudden outpouring of comments from all corners of the world when my facebook status reflects a painful time is an incredible reminder that love really is returned tenfold when it's given away.

For those of you who check back periodically, thank you for everything we've shared: 5 minutes, 5 days or 5 years. It all matters and I love you for it.

Only time for a quick note....

But I think this is really important. Plus, it's really important to a friend of mine, so of course I want to help out.

http://www.secondharvest.ca/index.php

Second Harvest in Toronto is looking for help in the community to try and get turkeys to those in need. Please take the time to donate money or visit one of the store locations and buy a turkey.

Everyone deserves a nice Christmas meal and now more than ever we really do need to help those who need it.

Border Crossings

Time to break out the old passport and silently swear under my breath about the hassles of packing (no liquids!?!), airport parking, flight delays (come on Delta, try a little harder to get your people in on time) and border guards. While I mostly love my job, there are times when I am expected to travel for it. I have no problem with showing up at a customer site and working my magic and making the customers believe I'm completely brilliant and amazing. What I really hate is the grief I inevitably get while trying to cross the border. I understand the need to protect the country and those who are employed within it's borders (especially now in these times of economic uncertainty) but I don't understand why it's so hard to believe that I might be travelling south simply to do my job and then get the heck out again. Believe me when I say I have no inclination to stay south of the border once I'm there - I love my American friends and even the weather that some of the states enjoy - but I'm not interested in picking up my life and moving hundreds or thousands of miles away from my family, friends and everything else I love about this country. I like socialized medicine, multi-cultural harmony and multiple political groups vying for my vote.
If I'm really lucky this time, maybe I'll get a border guard who recognizes that I'm not a terrorist, nor someone who's looking to mooch off the system. Someone who recognizes that I'm just trying to do my job to the best of my ability and that sometimes that job involves visiting our American customers.
Of course, if my bosses could just get their ducks in a row and figure out a way to get me a visa or other work papers to help eliminate this frustration, that would be even better. 8 months later they're still "working on it" :)
Could be worse I suppose. I could be unemployed and bitching about how I have nowhere to go, instead of whining about how I have to travel. Need to remember to always look on the bright side, right?