Only time for a quick note....

But I think this is really important. Plus, it's really important to a friend of mine, so of course I want to help out.

http://www.secondharvest.ca/index.php

Second Harvest in Toronto is looking for help in the community to try and get turkeys to those in need. Please take the time to donate money or visit one of the store locations and buy a turkey.

Everyone deserves a nice Christmas meal and now more than ever we really do need to help those who need it.

Border Crossings

Time to break out the old passport and silently swear under my breath about the hassles of packing (no liquids!?!), airport parking, flight delays (come on Delta, try a little harder to get your people in on time) and border guards. While I mostly love my job, there are times when I am expected to travel for it. I have no problem with showing up at a customer site and working my magic and making the customers believe I'm completely brilliant and amazing. What I really hate is the grief I inevitably get while trying to cross the border. I understand the need to protect the country and those who are employed within it's borders (especially now in these times of economic uncertainty) but I don't understand why it's so hard to believe that I might be travelling south simply to do my job and then get the heck out again. Believe me when I say I have no inclination to stay south of the border once I'm there - I love my American friends and even the weather that some of the states enjoy - but I'm not interested in picking up my life and moving hundreds or thousands of miles away from my family, friends and everything else I love about this country. I like socialized medicine, multi-culteral harmony and multiple political groups vying for my vote.
If I'm really lucky this time, maybe I'll get a border guard who recognizes that I'm not a terrorist, nor someone who's looking to mooch off the system. Someone who recognizes that I'm just trying to do my job to the best of my ability and that sometimes that job involves visiting our American customers.
Of course, if my bosses could just get their ducks in a row and figure out a way to get me a visa or other work papers to help eliminate this frustration, that would be even better. 8 months later they're still "working on it" :)
Could be worse I suppose. I could be unemployed and bitching about how I have nowhere to go, instead of whining about how I have to travel. Need to remember to always look on the bright side, right?

Bells will ring

Was at a wedding recently. I'd almost forgotten how much fun those things are -especially when they're not your own. It was a wonderful celebration of love and I'm really glad we went.

Got to thinking about what marriage is and why it matters. I'm always impressed when two people decide to make that kind of commitment to each other. I like the optimism that seems to ooze from every pore of the happy couple. The thought that this is forever, that nothing will come between them and that there will always be someone right next to you.

Weddings alway bring out the romantic side of me. I know firsthand just how much work is involved in keeping a relationship going. Believe me, no one wants to hear about how you resolved the socks on the floor or the no, I changed the baby last time, it's your turn now issues. That's not fun, it's not pretty, it's just life. A wedding is like the antithesis of that. It's pretty, light, fun, filled with lots of declarations of acceptance and love.

I love the idea of wearing someone's ring again. Making a public statement of my commitment and telling everyone that not only do I love, but that I am loved. Amazing what a simple band can do.

Powerful words

is this your life jackie brown?
poorly educated and forced to live
on the poor side of town
is this your daughter jackie brown?
this pretty little girl
in the worn out clothes
that have been hand me down
is this your wife jackie brown?
sad blue eyes
walking on eggshells so that you don't see her frown
is this your family jackie brown?

dream of vacationing on a mountain stream
and giving the world more than it gave you
what ugly truths, freedom brings
and it hasn't been very kind to you
is this your life jackie brown?

is this your meal jackie brown?
barely enough
i've seen people throw more than this out
is this your home jackie brown?
this three room shack
with no running water
and the bathroom out back
is this your grave jackie brown?
this little piece of limestone
that says another desperate man
took himself out
is this your dream jackie brown?

going nowhere and nowhere fast
we shame ourselves to watch people like this live
but who gives a damn about jackie brown?
just another lazy man who couldn't take what was his

one hell of a life jackie brown
forever more jackie brown
well amen and amen jackie brown

Many thanks to John Mellencamp for writing so powerfully that it gives me goosebumps every time I hear it. I never really considered myself a "political" person (although I do admit to having a suitcase full of opinions on just about everything under the sun) but this song really does make me think. Makes me wonder if maybe I could be doing more for my fellow man. I hate seeing people suffer, especially children. We are so lucky to have a healthy girl and to be able to provide for her. She'll never likely know the pain of going hungry or the fear of wondering where she'll sleep at night. I just hope we can raise her to be aware of the world around her and to ensure that she wants to leave this world a little better than she found it. I know I sure do.

Full Circle

I had dinner with a long time friend on the weekend (and by long time, I mean 30 years now) and was speaking with another "older" friend earlier this week and it got me to wondering about where I am now and how I got here.

Growing up in a small town, I was a pretty stereotypical nerd. I was smart, wore glasses and had the social skills of an overly enthusiastic dog. I just wanted people to like me and to recognize that I was cool or special or SOMETHING. Like a lot of young people, I was awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin.

By the time I was ready to enter high school, I was determined to be someone else. A better, cooler, less gawky version of myself. The me I could see in my mind's eye, not the doofus from earlier years. It was easier, I thought, to make the change then, since I wouldn't be constantly surrounded by the people I'd grown up with to that point. The high school was fed by ALL the public schools in town, so I could make new friends, be someone else and NO ONE would know any different.

As with most of the best laid plans, this grand scheme only sort of worked. I re-acquainted myself with some old friends from earlier public school years and was accepted as a larger part of their group. We had a lot of fun in that group - going to theme parks, cottage weekends, parties etc. I felt like part of a group, an accepted member. Things were good.

As I can see now, looking back, being a part of that group made me feel good, but it seriously stymied my forming other friendships in the school. Oh sure, I met a bunch of other people and they were fun and interesting, but I never really opened up to them or became tight friends with them since I already had my own group.

Since most of the gang were older, they all graduated and moved on before I did. Things changed, as they always do. We drifted. Some friendships were finally revealed to be the toxic wastelands that they really were. Some people dropped off the face of the earth, never to be heard from again.

By the time I was ready for university, I was done with the small town and ready to re-invent myself, yet again. This time I would get it right. I would be someone else entirely. Someone who didn't make mistakes with boys or treat people badly. Someone who wouldn't let others dictate the course of my life or try and manipulate me into being or doing something that wasn't really me. I swore that nothing would bring me back to that little town or that old me.

Fast forward a number of years: I've got great friends from my short stint in university, a friendship with my ex-husband and his family, a new relationship and a child of my own. I live in another small-ish town, but I did manage stay true to my never-going-home creedo.

It's amazing how much clearer things become with time, distance and maturity. I realize now that I really didn't have to leave to become someone else and that the memories of my youth really did create the me that I am now. Sure, if I could go back in time to visit a younger version of me, there are TONS of life lessons that I'd be sure to impart. If I could do that, however, I really doubt I'd be sitting here now, writing this.

What I have learned, however, is this. I didn't have to leave everyone and everything from that small town behind. I can and have re-kindled old friendships and they are rich and satisfying in ways that I never believed they could be. While you may not ever really be able to go home, I think, sometimes, you can bring bits of home to you. And that is truly a great thing.

So.......what's new???

Where to even begin?

Things in this corner of the universe have been pretty much status quo for the past little while. Get up, feed kid, take kid to daycare, come home, work for a while, pick kid up, eat dinner, bathe kid, read books about bears who are capable of space travel, put kid to bed, try and catch up on: email, friends, family, pile of books beside the bed, latest magazines, crosswords and sudokos and see what my better half has been doing. Pretty standard life I guess. Doesn't sound really very exciting when you lay it all out like that though, does it?

I think everyone goes through phases like this. The whole, wondering where things are going, asking if you're doing what you were meant to with your life, questioning "is this really all there is?" My life, as a whole, is actually pretty good. I'm gainfully employed, my family is healthy (not accounting for the odd bouts of crazy, but that's pretty standard) we have food and shelter which we can afford and generally speaking, really bad things haven't happened to any of us. Still, there is a very little part of me that pipes up on occasion and reminds me that I had always thought that my life would be more, well, interesting. Shouldn't I be famous by now? Won a Nobel prize for something? Found a cure for cancer at the very least?

Bah. Don't mind me. I'm just wallowing in a pit of boredom currently. No doubt there will be another family health scare or several more inches of water in my basement to amuse me in the very near future. Pretty sad that the only thing I have to whine about is how good my life is. We should all be so lucky.

Next week my mom will be here visiting. Can't wait to see what sort of adventures we have. Trips to the mall? Outings to the park? Maybe even a night out with my hubby?? Stay tuned!

Dreaming of a nap..

Apparently teething and a full night's sleep are two things that don't really go well together. The under four foot set had us up for the better part of the evening for no real apparent reason. Best guess we've got is that there are new teeth in the works (possibly the eye teeth, but really, who knows)

I remember in the first few weeks of her life how exhausted I was from being up every 3-4 hours. This is worse. Instead of getting up and eating and going back to sleep, she's up and wanting to be held for hours at a time. Someone please tell me that this gets better at some point!

All I can say is it's a darned good thing that she's cute, otherwise her father and I would be putting her in a box at the curb with a sign that says "Free to a good home". According to my mother in law, she'd be willing to sweeten the deal by adding her 90 pound, 5 year old "puppy". With a combination like that, I'm sure I'd only have to pay someone $50 dollars to take them both away....